Everything Is Getting Worse and More Expensive, Which Is Good News

Just don't suck and you'll beat the pants off of your competition

Amazon really knows how to harsh my mellow during Christmas.

Nothing says “I got you by the short and curlies” like a one-month notice of a wonderful choice of a shittier experience or a 26% price hike.

Amazon Prime Video customers will now see ads or must pay moree

But Amazon is not alone.

Back on 3/27/19, Tyler Perry was bent that the hotel was trying to jam him up for $9/bottle, so he made this Instagram post.

I’m in hotel in Minneapolis on Madea's Farewell Tour!! I saw this and got mad as hell. They can’t be serious right?! NINE DOLLARS!! NINE DOLLARS!!! What the hell this water do, cure cancer? Make hair grow? Did Jesus bottle it when he met that woman at the well? Y’all got to be kidding me. I will swallow spit and die of dehydration before I pay 9 dollars for a bottle of water!! GTHOH!!

~Tyler Perry

Then there’s the rising cost—and shrinking size—of soap.

I know I’m getting old because I appreciate these big bars of soap my mom gets me every year for Christmas. (It beats the stuff she used to get me, but I digress.)

Shrinking soap shows how sneaky capitalism can be

Granted, Dove has always been curved like this, but these bars seem smaller, as do every other soap we ever get.

They are smaller, curved—to be sneakily smaller—and more expensive.

Then there’s the explosion of kiosks everywhere, from the airport to McDonald’s to Quest Diagnostics.

Quest Diagnostics self check-in kiosk

Quest Diagnostics self-check-in kiosk…because they hate their customers.

For the most part, I don’t mind these.

I’m an experienced traveler, so the kiosks save me time.

I know how I like my burger, and the competency of fast food workers have continued to decline—except for In-N-Out and Chik-Fil-A—as the minimum wage has increased, so I’ll just use the kiosk or their app on my phone and place my order, which also saves me time.

But healthcare kiosks?

I mean, at least at the airport and at McDonald’s, there are humans you can talk to if you have a question or need assistance.

Last week, I went to get my blood drawn for my annual physical, and there wasn’t a human worker to be found at the front desk.

The lights were literally turned off, and a placard on the desk that basically said,

Eff off and use the kiosk. We care more about profits than being kind to you.

This place was cold and dreary.

I wasn’t sure if I was in California or North Korea. (Well, California is doing its best to emulate North Korea, but I digress.)

People walked in, confused, but there was no one to help them other than fellow customers.

Sure, the phlebotomist was pleasant enough and efficient, which apparently is where the bar is now set:

Hey, just don’t kill anyone or end up on TMZ punching a customer in the face, and you’ll get your bonus this quarter!

~Every CEO in America today

Now, restaurants sneak in surcharges at the bottom of your receipt.

They say it’s for…ahhh…rising healthcare costs…yeah…and…ahhh…rising energy costs…yeah…ahhh…no…it’s due to COVID…yeah, that’s the ticket.

We saw the airlines do this with added fuel surcharges back when oil spiked in 2008, but they left them on, even when oil went to negative prices in 2020.

And don’t get me started on tipping requests.

Teenagers on their iPhones at the yogurt shop want a tip for handing me a paper sampler cup.

It’s gotten so out of hand I did this to my kids for Christmas this year…

Christmas present tip requestt

Okay…I (probably) didn’t do that.

But I (probably) should.

But I digress.

Look…here’s the deal…

It’s really to win in business today…

Just give a shit.

Hell, just give half a shit, and you’ll crush your competition.

Maybe start with half a shit because if you gave a full shit, you’d overwhelm your prospects, and they’d think they were being set up, so ease into your shit-giving—and your shit-talking—because your competition is full of shit.

Market like you mean it.
Now go sell something.

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