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How To Send An Email That Sucks

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It's really not that hard.

But maybe it is.

Then again, since everyone is so bad at it, it should be easy to win by being just 1% better.

What is "it"? 

Sending emails that 

don't suck. 

Why oh why do people still do this?

Why can't people send a humanized message that addresses my concerns, is centered on my needs, has a clear call to action, and solves my pains quickly and affordably?

Below is an email I received today.

It was so average and ordinary and typical that I was compelled to take a moment to review it and break it down for you so you won't make the same mistake.

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